![]() (“coherent response” is subject to disagreement) take appropriate responsibility for one’s feelings about the data (“appropriate responsibility” is subject to disagreement).(“reason appropriately” is subject to disagreement) (“reasonably sensible” is subject to disagreement) make sense of data that is reasonably sensible in that context, including empathizing with it.(“reasonable pace” is subject to disagreement) Poor listening would be the inability or refusal to do the following: Coherence and charitability already imply a reasonable attempt to understand, and that is the important part. Understanding is too high a burden to require for listening. ![]() I would not be a bad listener, necessarily, if I didn’t understand the intent or implications of what was told to me. “Charitably” refers to making sense of something in a way most likely to fit the intent of the speaker.Īlso, notice that coherence does not require understanding. “Coherently” refers to a way of making sense of something by interpreting it such that it does not contradict anything important that you also believe is true and important about the world. If I don’t agree with you or do what you want me to, that is not proof of my poor listening. Reacting coherently is not the same as accepting someone’s view of the world. Notice that I said “coherently and charitably” and not “constructively” or “agreeably.” I think I can be listening to a criminal who demands ransom even if I am not constructive in my response to him. The reactions of listening may involve a change of mood, attention, concept, or even a physical action. I propose that to listen is to react coherently and charitably to incoming information.This is my proposal of a universal truth of listening: Listening requires you to change. I am tempted to say that listening requires talking, but that is not quite true. I will show how this theory is consistent the “don’t talk” advice if you consider that being quiet while other people speak is one heuristic of good listening, rather than the definition or foundation of it. You don’t want me to have nightmares, do you? Until you interrupt me to say otherwise, I charitably assume you don’t.īelow is an alternative theory of listening one that does not require passivity. If I don’t chew on what you say, I will choke or get tummy aches and nightmares. Talking is how I chew on what you’ve told me. As an extravert, I react partly by talking. ![]() I’m tired of hearing the simplistic advice about how to listen one must not talk.
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